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The Final Term

25 Apr

It seems so weird that this is my last term as an undergraduate. In about two months I’ll have finished my final exams and nervously awaiting the results, and in three months time, I’ll be graduating and have a shiny set of letters after my name! andgreyskies BA(Hons) has quite a ring to it. I’m still ridiculously nervous about not getting into my master’s course, and I think I will be until I find out the mark for my dissertation. For now though, I have one more essay to write and another horrendous Greek exam on Monday, which although I’ve been revising for, I’m almost certain that I will do badly in. Hopefully just not as badly as before… if I can get 60% (a 2:1), which I will honestly be overjoyed, so today will be spent trying to hammer in what I’ve ‘learnt so far’.

I’ve also got my exam timetable, and it is horrible. My twenty-first birthday is on the 16th of June…
17th June 9:30 Greek Language
18th June 14:00 Greek Tragedy
19th June 9:30 Art and Architecture
The last exam is irritating as it’s on a Saturday, so that means I’ll only be doing half a day at work (or maybe I’ll miss it altogether!) so will get paid less.

Talking of work, I worked three afternoons last week and Saturday, so I shall be enjoying a nice fat paycheck to go along with my student loan coming in and the start of the month (when my living expenses come through). I’ll feel so wealthy until the rent comes out. I’ve also been asked to open the shop on the 23rd of June as Kate (the ‘supervisor’) is away at Glastonbury then. This is exciting because it means that I’ll hopefully be given more shifts next year. Emma, who also works with us on a Saturday and will hopefully be staying on for a master’s, also wants more hours next year, but is not in the bookshop’s good graces at the moment. She missed a lot of shifts in the holidays, apparently, and has also been annoying Kate with her constant boyfriend drama and moping around not doing any work.

14 Mar

I guess I’ve been feeling generally demoralised and disappointed in myself at the moment.

I really fucked up with taking Greek. If I could turn back time, I seriously wish that I had just taken a normal essay based module that I would have enjoyed and done well in. If I don’t do better on the next test and in the final exam, I will have most likely ruined my chances for a 2:1. I’ve resolved that throughout Easter I’m going to try to revise every day, try to do better in the hopes of clawing my marks back up. I got 49% in the last test. If I get a 70% this time, that should compensate for the last two tests where I got thirds. I just hope that I can do it. It’s Latin all over again, but this time it matters.

I was feeling okay about my dissertation (despite time running away from me…) until last night. I sent my second chapter off to my tutor and received it back with loads of comments about things I’ve missed, and I’ve realised that what I’ve written just isn’t dissertation quality. I wander through facts, citing other people, but as Dan wrote “Full of interesting facts, this chapter, but what is your argument? What questions are you trying to answer? Which myths are you trying to debunk?”. Although the feedback is really valuable, I don’t feel like I’m doing well at all. I guess all I can do is make corrections and add onto what I’ve already written. Today, I intend to write my final chapter and conclusion and send those off to Dan as well. I’ll never have been so glad to have finished something in my life. I’m still worried about what mark I will get for it. I’m just hoping for a high 2:1, so that even if I get a bad mark on Greek, I can hopefully persuade them to let me onto the MA course.

The MA course is another issue. If I don’t get a 2:1, I won’t get onto the course. I don’t even know if they’ll even give me an offer yet, but hopefully I’ll find out soon. I think that getting offered a place and then failing to get the grades required would be inestimably worse than not getting offered a place. At least if I don’t get offered a place from the start, my hopes won’t be raised and then dashed. I think the next few months are going to be hell.

I guess my point is, I don’t feel like I’m doing well. If I don’t get a 2:1, I’ve effectively wasted three years of my life and almost £20,000, not to mention all the good marks that I’ve got, all because I thought it was a good idea to take a subject I’m hopelessly bad at and far too lazy to do all the work for. I’ve got nobody to blame but myself if I fuck all of this up. Of all the things I’ve ever hated myself for, this would be the worst.


26 Feb

I went swimming, for the first time in more years than I want to think about, yesterday. I’m actually really glad that I went, and I don’t know why I spent so much worrying about it! I’m going to go again next week, maybe on Sunday or Monday. I was lucky when I went, as the pool was really quiet- half of it was given over to some kind of club, and there were only five or so people in the part that I was in. Unfortunately, I managed to forget my new, overpriced and cheaply made, goggles, so I couldn’t see much, and swam with my head above the water for half of the time.

I had feared that in the years that I haven’t swum (beyond splashing around in a pool on holiday) I would have forgotten how to! The old wives’ tale is true, I guess- it’s one of the things you don’t forget. It took me a while to get used to breathing while in the pool though, and I swear I have never ingested so much water! The pool is smaller than the one at Hornchurch Sports Centre where I used to swim, but it’s much nicer. I think a lot of that must be because it’s newer and not really for general public use. I’m going to try to keep up going swimming as it will be good for me! I did fourteen lengths, which isn’t bad for a first time. I’m aiming for twenty next time, then increasing them gradually. I had to measure in lengths, rather than time as I couldn’t even see where the clock was, let alone what time it showed!

After swimming, I went to the Animal Welfare and Vegetarian Society meeting and elections, of which I am not Vice President/ Secretary, which is quite exciting! We then went out for delicious noodles from the Coventry Noodle Bar. Probably tomorrow I’m going to write a blog about all the food I have eaten with them, but it will have to wait, as I have a 10am lecture tomorrow, and it is now 02:15. >_>

Clearing skies…

24 Jan

The intention of this blog is to get myself blogging again. My old site has too many miserable posts, and I feel either frivolous or self-indulgent whenever I post on there. Prompted by my late night/early morning long think, I’ve decided to start afresh- in some ways, this blog is to chart that. I want to write about things I’ve done, things I’ve thought about, films I’ve seen, and books I’ve read, without having a lot of back entries which don’t relate to how I currently see myself. It seems that every few years, I jump to a new platform to cut away who I used to be. Well, here’s the next semi-jump. My aim is to keep up blogging regularly (at least twice a week, maybe more) until January 1st 2011 (my longer aim is to continue until 2020, but one of the things I discussed with myself last night was setting myself unrealistic goals). Here’s to this decade- my twenties!